Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize