Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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