so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
