I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
