You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
