Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
