1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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