I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
