Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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