good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I understand Curling. That high.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
