If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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