I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Will exercising make me less horny?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
