your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
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