Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
