it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
