i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
