Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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