Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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