I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
