you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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