I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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