The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
