I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
