we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
