And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
