i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
