sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
