My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
as a side note pls kill me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
