We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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