so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
