I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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