we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
