they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
