One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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