But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Sponge bath it is.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My vagina is officially offended.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
