Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
