Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
