New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You're a waste of cheezeits
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
