it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
