There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
