Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
