thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
