the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
