Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
