I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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