hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
