I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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