I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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