Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
