And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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