I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My feet surprised me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
