Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize