i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
where am i from again
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
