I swear she didn't look like that last week.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
