please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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