got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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