Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
