My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize