I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
