sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
