Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
