so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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