watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
