That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Randomize
