So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
