yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
